Over the years, I have started and retired several blogs publicly. There have been projects that I had built for several months and never saw the light of the day. People who know me and follow me know that I have started several blogs in the past, but never kept at it. When I say I started and retired, I mean, I literally killed it in a matter of months and some even weeks for no obvious reason. I didn’t even give a fair chance to some of these projects that I have taken on and closed the windows on them unfairly.
When I took up these projects, I was always positive, excited and pumped to get them implemented and make them public and as soon as it launched, I lose the enthusiasm and the interest that I had for the project because a new idea distracted me. Slowly, in a matter of weeks or months, I put very less effort into them, and eventually, I stop. Since I don’t like keeping blogs or publications up and running when I am no more putting effort into them, I pull the plug and kill them in such a way that there was no hint that it even existed.
Every time I make a public launch with a lot of noise and then kill it several weeks or months later, I feel extremely embarrassed about myself and regret launching it publicly. And this embarrassment makes it even more difficult for me to make my next project public. I have struggled with this internally. Sometimes, though I have a good project in mind, I struggle to publicly launch it and market it.
The reason I had killed all of my projects was because I wasn’t perfect. I had set a very high standard for myself, though starting as a beginner, that I couldn’t match the standard that I had set. When the quality of my writing did not match what I had imagined in my mind, I felt an instant need to kill whatever was public so that I could present my creations to the world, only when they were perfect. I had put the cart before the horse, as the saying goes, where I didn’t realise that only writing more can actually help me improve, but I wasn’t giving myself a chance to write more because I felt I wasn’t good enough. It was a deadlock.
But this time, I want to change that. I want my projects and see the light of the day and keep them running for years to come. I don’t know how successful I would in keeping up that promise, but I am ready to give it a try. Furthermore, I have slowly learnt that sharing one’s work publicly actually helps become better at whatever someone is doing. This newsletter is one of the ways I want to share my writing publicly so that I can improve at my art and also give myself a chance to share my thoughts and stories that I long to share.